How to Build Confidence in Your Appearance
“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” - Coco Chanel
While it is true that real beauty comes from within, we cannot diminish the value of our outward appearance. The same world that pressures women into a beauty standard later condemns us once we become obsessed with our appearance. Although looks should never be the core of anyone’s existence, everyone deserves to feel confident in the way they were placed on Earth. The goal here is to share practices that helped me build my confidence so that you too can appreciate your beauty without allowing it to consume your entire life.
Let Go of Filters
Before you start rolling your eyes… hear me out! Face-altering filters are absolutely okay for spicing up your pics & videos. It only becomes an issue when you start to dislike the way you look without one. Realizing that the digital version of you is different from what you see in the mirror will slowly but surely mess with your mind. You do not have to look like you are on your second round of botox to be perceived as beautiful, nor do you have to get surgery to look like a filter in real life (but to each their own)! Research has revealed that in 2021, over 75% of women aged 18 to 30 reported that they “feel they will never live up to the images they post of themselves online, and 60% felt depressed because of this (Jantz).” Sis, if you can relate to that stat, do yourself a favor and go cold turkey on those filters. I promise you will thank me later!
Up until March 2022, I LOVED those filters that alter your face by making your lips bigger, and nose slimmer. One day I was on Instagram and stumbled upon a filter that miraculously turned me into a Kylie Jenner look-alike and all I could do was laugh. The reality was that I did NOT look like that, and I did NOT need to… so I simply let them go. I feel much more beautiful now and know that the online compliments I receive are truly for me rather than the person who designed a filter.
2. Stop Comparisons
Comparing yourself to another woman is like comparing a rose to a rainbow. Both are beautiful in unique ways and they serve different purposes. You have to understand that someone else’s beauty has absolutely no impact on yours. Beautiful women can coexist without taking the shine from one another. Besides, life would be so boring if everyone looked the same! Differences are necessary and you should be able to admire another person without feeling like you are less than them.
Often times, comparison turns into an imaginary competition with the person you want to be… and honestly, you will always lose. I PROMISE you that the girl you wish you looked like feels the same about another woman, and someone else feels that way about you! Once you accept that you are your own person and no longer get offended by another woman’s light, you will shine much brighter.
3. Accept compliments
Please stop searching for reasons to downplay compliments every time you receive one. What would anyone gain from complimenting you without truly meaning it? The reality is that (unless they want something from you) people are not wasting their breath empowering you just for fun. Compliments are genuine remarks intended to lift you up rather than make you second-guess yourself. Even if you do not agree with the compliment, ACCEPT IT, & take a step away from your negative thoughts to view yourself in the eyes of the other person. Just because you do not see something in yourself does not mean it isn’t there! Allow people to bring your positive traits to light as sometimes we need the help of external sources to see our greatness.
4. Accept Your Flaws
This is probably the most cliché item on this list, but there is a reason that people repeat it so often. Accept and show extra love to everything that makes you feel less beautiful than you are. For me, it is my acne that I cannot seem to get rid of for long periods of time. One day I stopped the demeaning self-talk & decided that I was beautiful regardless of the condition my skin is in. It sounds very simple and honestly, that’s because it was! Dwelling on your flaws are NOT going to make them go away… so why not have a more positive outlook about them? You MUST stop sulking and feeling bad for yourself.
The key to true confidence is loving yourself in any and every state. With this approach, fixing the flaw (if it can be fixed) comes from a place of love instead of bitterness. Honestly, I love embracing my flaws because it is a reminder that nobody has it all. There will always be an area that you are lacking in and that is perfectly fine!! With acceptance comes growth, and with growth comes TRANSFORMATION!
If you found this helpful, comment your thoughts below, send me a message on Instagram/LinkedIn, or share it with someone else who may need it! Also, do not forget to subscribe for updates. Till next time,
~ ASW
